Helping Your Parents Declutter: Lessons from Families Who’ve Been There

Have you ever looked around your parents’ home and wondered how on earth they’ll ever sort through everything when it’s time to downsize? 

It’s a common worry for adult children, especially when your parents have lived in the same house for decades. Helping them declutter can feel overwhelming—for them and for you. The good news is that with patience, compassion, and a little planning, it is possible to help your parents declutter—while preserving your relationship, honouring their memories, and setting them up for a safer, simpler future.

As a professional organizer, I’ve worked with many families navigating this stage of life, and while no two situations are exactly the same, I’ve noticed some clear patterns.

Some families have lots of helping hands but very little time. Others have more time, but little or no family support. And most situations fall somewhere in between.

To inspire and guide you, I’ll share two composite case studies drawn from real experiences with clients—followed by practical tips to help you start the conversation, offer support without adding stress, and know when it might help to bring in a neutral professional.

You can also share last month’s post with your parents for tips they can use downsize.

Case Study 1: Two Weekends, Many Helping Hands

One client’s mom had lived in her family home for 35 years. When she moved into long-term care, the house needed to be listed quickly. That meant decades of belongings had to be sorted and cleared in just a few short weeks.

Thankfully, her two grown children, their spouses, and several teenage and young adult grandchildren all pitched in. Together, we tackled the project in just two weekends. My role was to prioritize the work, manage logistics (charities, junk removal, recycling, family keepsakes, etc.), help the family make decisions, and keep the momentum going.

There were wonderful discoveries along the way—hidden treasures, long-forgotten items, and many stories shared. It was a joy to see generations working together, and I often told the mom how proud she could be of the family she had raised.

Case Study 2: Two Years, Just the Couple

On the other end of the spectrum, I worked with a couple whose adult children were unable or unwilling to help—one lived too far away, and the other was estranged. Over two years, we worked steadily through their entire home. 

At first, they let go of practical items they no longer needed. But it wasn’t until they began touring condos and saw how small the spaces were that they realized how much more they needed to release. With their future home in mind, we revisited each room and let go of:

• Excess décor and sentimental items
• Bookcases and many books
• Kitchenware they wouldn’t have room for
• Extra clothing (downsized closets)
• Basement and garage storage items

Through this process they had several video calls with their daughter who lived far away, which allowed her to go through her own belongings that were still at her parents’ home, as well as choose a few items her parents were decluttering that she wanted sent to her.

It wasn’t easy, but they realized that in order to enjoy their future, they couldn’t hold onto too much of the past.

What These Stories Teach Us

These two situations represent the extremes:

• Very little time, but lots of help
• Lots of time, but little or no help

Most families fall somewhere in between. Whether you’re facing an urgent deadline or working gradually over several years, there are ways to make the process smoother—and more meaningful.

Why Decluttering is So Difficult for Our Parents

Before we get to the “how,” it’s important to understand the “why.” For your parents, their belongings may represent:

• A lifetime of memories and milestones
• Security or independence
• Hard-earned purchases or inherited items
• A connection to loved ones who’ve passed

Decluttering can bring up grief, anxiety, and even a sense of identity loss. That’s why how you approach this process matters just as much as what you do.

Tips for Adult Children Supporting Their Parents

1. Start Early

The best time to begin talking about decluttering is before a move or health issue forces urgent action. That’s when emotions and resistance tend to be highest and energy is lowest. The earlier you begin the conversation, the more thoughtful and less stressful the process will be. 

Here are some ways to open the conversation gently:

• “Have you ever thought about what you’d want to take with you if you moved someday?”
• “Would you feel more comfortable if the house was a little easier to manage?”
• “Can I help you start going through some of the things you don’t need anymore, just a bit at a time?”

If they aren’t ready yet, respect that—but keep the door open for future conversations.

2. Start Small

Encourage your parents to begin with one room, drawer, or closet at a time. Small wins build momentum and confidence.

3. Begin with the Easy Stuff

Skip sentimental items at first because they’re the hardest. Save those for later when everyone has more clarity and confidence. Instead, start with duplicates, unused items, or things that clearly won’t fit in a future home. 

But keep in mind, what you think will be easy, may not be easy for your parents. Discuss with them what items or spaces they’ve already thought about decluttering. They may surprise you!

4. Ask, Don’t Tell

Avoid phrases like these because they may be perceived as judgemental and hinder the decluttering process:

• “You don’t need this.”
• “That’s so old.”
• “It’s just junk.”
• “You haven’t used this in years.”

Instead, ask gentle questions that build trust:

• “What do you think about this?”
• “Would you want to bring this to your next home?”
• “Is there someone else who might enjoy this?
• “What’s the story behind this?”

Respectful curiosity goes a long way.

5. Be Patient and Listen

Decluttering is rarely just about “stuff.” It’s about memories, identity, and change.  When your parent tells a story about a keepsake or hesitates over a decision, pause and listen. These moments are part of the process—and sometimes even more valuable than the decluttering itself.

You can even record them telling some of the stories so you have beautiful memories to go with items you or other family members may inherit one day. 

6. Accept Your Role

You may want to “speed things up,” but decluttering is emotional and deeply personal. Respect your parents’ pace, even if it feels slow. As they become more comfortable with letting go of things, and trust that you are there to help them, they will likely pick up the pace. 

You may think you know what your parent should keep or toss. But when you take over, you risk damaging trust and making them dig in their heels.

7. Consider Neutral Help

Sometimes family dynamics get in the way of downsizing. If you find yourselves arguing often or struggling to work together, it may be time to bring in someone neutral.

A caring friend, neighbour, or professional organizer can provide:

• Emotional distance and objectivity which can ease tension between generations
• Experience with tough conversations
• Creative solutions for letting go
• Encouragement when motivation dips
• Focus to keep the process on track

As a professional organizer, I’ve helped many families where adult children wanted to support their parents, but emotions got in the way. Sometimes all it takes is an outside voice to move things forward peacefully.

A Gentle Reminder: It’s Not About Perfection

Decluttering a whole home takes time. There will be progress and setbacks. But every item they let go of, every corner made clearer, brings your parent one step closer to a simpler, safer, and more manageable living space.

Make time to sit together, share stories, and make the experience not just productive—but meaningful.

Final Thoughts

Helping your parents downsize is about more than decluttering—it’s about honouring their past, supporting them in the present, and helping create space for a comfortable, safe, and joyful future.

Whether you’re a family with lots of helping hands and little time, or parents working steadily with little family involvement, know that there are resources and support to make the journey easier.

Don’t forget to share my previous blog post with your parents. It’s called Decluttering After 40 Years in a Home: One Client’s Inspiring Journey.

If your family is preparing for a downsizing journey and you’d like compassionate, experienced guidance, I’d love to help. Contact me and together, we can create a plan that works for your timeline, your family’s needs, and—most importantly—your parents’ comfort level.